Wednesday, February 27, 2008

International Ninja of Mystery

As a ninja, my objective is always to keep my movements on the low down. This is extremely difficult when three entire government agencies are bent on exposing me. This last week they were successful in exposing my international travel methods in the following article:,2933,332615,00.html

Fortunately I was able to retrieve and destroy the black box which held the following conversation:

Attendant Marsha-Bethany: Hun, come over here and tell me if you can smell something burning.

Attendant Lacretia: By the lavatories? Dude, someone couldn't jones for twelve hours without his weed.

Attendant Marsha-Bethany: Just come smell.

Attendant Lacretia: (choking sounds... gurgling...a gag) what's that, burning tires with a little... is that rancid mayo? Satan, Son of the morning don't reek like that! Deploy the oxygen masks!

Co-Pilot Marshal Truebeam: What's the disturbance ladies.

Attendent Marsha-Bethany: Ummm... We've got like this burning type of smell.

Co-Pilot Marshal Truebeam: I'll let the captain know we need to make an emergency landing. Have you discovered evidence of terrorism or tampering with the smoke alarms?

Attendant Marsha-Bethany: No, and the smell seems to have meandered over here. (Sniffing sounds) Yah, it seems to be coming from something near this gentleman. Sir, have you noticed an unusual odor over here?

Me: Hey, I'm not the one who decided to serve broccoli with pork and beans in the same meal to airplane passengers.

Had information about my indigestion problems gotten out, the government could use this knowledge against me.

This ended with some tazering, and a strip-search, and then a secondary strip-search followed by more tazering, some obscenities, and then a strip-search combined with tazering. In summary, I now have an alert when I buy airline tickets that I'm only to have the "Kosher" meals.

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