LRIF

A recent news article brings to light an important problem facing modern parents.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,350249,00.html

The issue is which gang you should suggest for your kids to join. This isn't something you want to just jump into. You'll want to ask rival gangs for a prospectus to outline benefits, turf claimed and mortality rates. One often overlooked concept in gang selection is in which gang your child will likely excel. To determine this you can ask a gang counselor for a street aptitude test. This can determine if your child has the traits necessary to be a drug mule (willingness to store fatal amounts of crack in his/her colon) or if pimping would be a more natural fit.

Many parents don't realize that the bar is being raised for entrance in many gangs. Your child might have better luck applying for summer or spring entrance because many bangers will take the summers off to visit family or die in a bloody gang war.


Street Aptitude Test

Name__________________________________

Actual Name______________

Single Wide [] Double Wide [] Box

Preferred mode of transportation
A) Box Car.
B) Pink Caddy with leopard fur interior.
C) Container of big rig in 120 degree Arizona heat with 67 closest friends.

Favorite Fashion Statement
A) Brass Knuckles
B) Pink Fur coat with extra pockets on the inside.
C) Necklace with “Vato Loco” written with cubic zirconium.

Given your choice, you would prefer
A) Gettin' jiggy wit it.
B) Stickin’ it to da’ man.
C) Climbing fence, swimming across Rio Grande then walking across desert.

Method of Marking Turf
A) Tennis Shoes on phone lines.
B) Bruises on property.
C) Own alchohol rich urin.


In a similar vein, I'm putting together a reality TV series called "Who wants to be a member of Delta Upsilon?"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,323666,00.html

The contestants will experience various hazing rituals until they pass out or show some sign of human dignity which can be used against them. The season finally will end with a tribal council in which the fine print on their contracts is brought to light and they realize that no one will be accepted and they don't have any rights to any monetary gains associated with the series.

I apologize for not posting recently. Last month I became aware of a looming hole in my ninja skill set when I watched Mission Impossible and saw that Tom Cruise could read lips. I immediately enrolled in an intense full immersion lip reading course. I'm now starting a youth service called Lip Reading is Fundamental. You may have seen the mention it got on American Idol during the American Idol gives back episode. Are you aware that out of every 352 inner city kids, only one of them is able to read lips well enough to eavesdrop on a dupe in switch and bate scam? They simply lack the street skills they need on a daily basis.